The Fallacies of Funding and the Failure to Fix Federal Functionality

By David T. Boyd, MFA

“A man in debt is so far a slave” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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On June 9, 2014, President Barack Obama signed a memorandum (Hudson, 2014) directing the Secretary of Education to propose regulations allowing 5 million federal direct student loan borrowers the opportunity to cap their student loan payments at 10 percent of their income. This memorandum also provided for new executive actions to support federal student loan borrowers, especially “vulnerable borrowers who may be at greater risk of defaulting on their loans.” Before continuing with this discussion, let’s take a moment to parse that statement for further clarity:

• Per debt.org, to default on a student loan usually occurs after 270 days of non-payment, and since there is no statute of limitations on federal student loans, the obligation to repay them never goes away.

• Some consequences of defaulting on a student loan include being ineligible for additional federal aid or grants, damage to your credit report, garnishment of wages, seizure of savings and checking accounts, cancellation, revocation, or non-renewal of a professional license and withholding of state and federal tax refunds.

• Those considered most “vulnerable” in experiencing greater repercussions of student debt are women and minorities (Brand, 2013) for a variety of reasons, including higher instances of unemployment and disparities in earning power.

For these reasons, and many more, it is imperative that we have a system in place that safeguards students whose goal is to obtain a post-secondary degree that would hopefully lead to greater opportunity and prosperity. Instead, what we have seen is an increase in predatory lending practices, for-profit schools with poor job placement rates, risky private loans, and issues with accreditation that make it difficult for students to receive transfer credit. And while the U.S. Department of Education’s website discusses issues such as grant opportunities, loan forgiveness and accredited versus unaccredited institutions, it does not specifically address the disparities that affect students of color as they enter college.

The theme of this presentation is The Fallacies of Funding and the Failure to Fix Federal Functionality. The alliterative nature of this title is not by accident. The Department of Education uses FAFSA (the Free Application for Federal Student Aid) to determine how much funding prospective students need for college. They also require the Secretary of Education to publish a list of nationally recognized accrediting agencies deemed reliable authorities of educational quality and training by institutions of higher education. The DOE is failing our students by being complicit in making them “slaves” to a debt that should lead toward a prosperous life. Americans now owe more (de Vise, 2012) on their student loan debt than on credit cards or auto loans. And while everyone who applies for a loan to cover their tuition should be held accountable for their decisions, more needs to be done to protect those students who are vulnerable than issuing executive orders from the President of the United States. The DOE should become more intricately involved through changing their focus to preventive measures that can help ease the pressure and better streamline the process.

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FAFSA: A Brief Overview and 5-Year Strategic Plan

According to the strategic plan for federal student aid, the mission, vision and core values of FAFSA are as follows:

A. Mission: Funding America’s Future, One Student at a Time.

B. Vision: To be the most trusted and reliable source of student financial aid, information, and services in the nation.

C. Core Values:
1. Integrity – Do the right thing above other interests and hold everyone accountable.
2. Customer Service – Know what our customers want and ensure we meet their expectations.
a. Excellence – Strive to be the very best in all we do by embracing a culture of continuous improvement.
b. Respect – Value individuals by acknowledging the diversity of their contributions, ideas and beliefs.
c. Stewardship – Uphold the sacred trust of taxpayers as we work to support the goals of Congress and the Administration.
d. Teamwork – Work in collaboration with our colleagues and partners to produce the best possible results.

The 5-Year Strategic Plan for FAFSA is as follows:

A. Improve quality of service for customers across the entire student aid life cycle.

B. Proactively manage the student aid portfolio to mitigate risk.

C. Improve operational efficiency and flexibility.

D. Foster trust and collaboration among stakeholders.

E. Invest in expanded workforce capability.

Of the listed goals, the one that bears mentioning, in relation to this discussion, is Strategic Goal A, where over the next 5 years they intend on improving financial literacy, reinforcing sound budgeting techniques and providing a comprehensive overview of repayment options. They would also like to expand their outreach and awareness efforts through financial aid toolkits that are designed to assist guidance counselors, college access professionals and non-profits in explaining the process. While all of this is certainly a step in the right direction, communities of color have issues regarding acquiring loans that white students generally do not experience:

A. A 2010 study (Kerby, 2013) by the College Board Advocacy & Policy Center found that 27 percent of black bachelor’s degree recipients had student-loan debt of $30,500 or more, compared to just 16 percent of their white counterparts.

B. Sixty-nine percent of black students who did not finish their college degree cite the high cost of tuition, compared to 43 percent of their white peers.

C. Students of color take out private student loans at a higher rate than white students, making them more financially vulnerable to risky interest rates.

D. Students of color are more likely to enroll in for-profit schools, which account for nearly half of all student-loan defaults.

E. Youth unemployment (for those ages 16-24) is high among people of color, so the option to attend college appears viable. However, coupling high-interest debt with fewer job prospects increases the chance of defaulting on student loans.

F. The long-term impact of student debt in communities of color makes it hard to later obtain home ownership and a secure retirement. It can also affect entire communities, as well as the economy, which needs consumers in order to maintain its fluidity.

Despite the best efforts of FAFSA to integrate updated best practices within its agency, The US Department of Education needs to strengthen its efforts in educating students (as well as parents) about the entire college process, not just how to finance it. Believe it or not, there are other factors besides the principal amount borrowed or the interest rate that could become problematic when it comes time for students to repay their loans. Institutional accreditation is another facet of this multi-layered puzzle that could make attending college a costly proposition.

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What is accreditation and why is it Important?

Higher education accreditation (Littlefield, 2016) is a process that institutions and programs undergo to prove they meet acceptable levels of quality. This process is voluntary, but most schools choose to apply for accredited status as a way to regulate themselves and demonstrate that they meet minimum quality standards. In the U.S., you must attend an accredited program to be eligible for federal financial aid, most state aid, and even some scholarships. Although loan requirements can vary by financial institution, you may even need to attend an accredited school to qualify for a private student loan. Besides the regulatory and financial benefits, attending an accredited school or program can improve job prospects after graduation. A growing number of employers will not hire people who don’t have a degree from a recognizable institution. In addition, graduating from an accredited institution makes it possible to continue one’s education in the future, if the opportunity arises.

National versus Regional Accreditation

It is usually in this area where students often run into trouble, given that many fail to understand the difference between National and Regional Accreditation as they are making college plans. The US Department of Education (Peterson’s, 2015) does not accredit institutions; instead it determines which accrediting agencies receive recognition by the Department. This means that the standards of the accrediting agencies are “up to par” to the standards of the DOE, which limits its recognition to accrediting agencies that endorse schools that need the recognition to participate in federal programs, like FAFSA. While this recognition is critical, there still exists a disparity between the types of accreditation that could end up costing students thousands of dollars in loans and grants. The two accrediting agencies (Littlefield, 2016) recognized by the DOE can have a national or regional scope.

A. National – agencies that accredit institutions or programs across the United States. These agencies typically focus on a specific type of education, such as technical, vocational or distance learning. These agencies are typically reevaluated every 3-5 years to ensure they remain up to the standards of the Council of Higher Education Accreditation.

B. Regional – six bodies that award regional accreditation are recognized by the US Department of Education and the Council for Higher Education accreditation. Typically, these six agencies are composed of traditional academic colleges and universities. They are:
1. Middle State Association of Colleges and Schools.
2. New England Association of Schools and Colleges.
3. North Central Association of Colleges and Schools.
4. Northwest Association of Schools and Colleges.
5. Southern Association of Colleges and Schools.
6. Western Association of Schools and Colleges.

If a student earns an undergraduate degree from a college that does not belong to an accreditation bureau accepted by the graduate program they are applying to, their ability to be admitted might be difficult or impossible. Similarly, if a student wants to transfer credits from a nationally accredited college into one that is regional, that could prove to be problematic. This could also cause unforeseen issues regarding federal student aid. Why is this important? Consider the fact that the Federal Pell Grant, a need based grant, has a limit of 12 full-time semesters where it provides tuition assistance. If a student is transferring into a college that doesn’t accept credits from the school they are coming from, they will be unable to recoup any of those 12 semesters and might have to repeat certain classes. If they didn’t receive the Pell Grant, but received federal student loans, those loans must be paid in addition to whatever else they borrow. Students who have a clear understanding of the overall college process will undoubtedly go into this experience ready for the multitude of challenges that await them; but for those students who are unaware of the varying nuances, a simple mistake as misunderstanding how accreditation can limit flexibility could haunt them for years to come. And given the fact that women and students of color make up most of those affected by predatory lending, defaulting on high-interest loans, attending for-profit colleges and lack of knowledge in regards to accreditation disparities, it is in the best interest of the US Department of Education to do whatever is necessary to provide relief for the vulnerable among us. By utilizing a bottom-up approach, a wide-reaching solution could decrease the pressure at every juncture and provide lower expenses for graduating college students.

***

"Education should be a right, not a privilege. We need a revolution in the way
that the United States funds higher education." – Senator Bernie Sanders

Turning those “F’s” into “A’s!”

Applying to post-secondary institutions of higher learning is not just about choosing schools, completing applications and sending transcripts. Because of the high number of quality schools that exist today in the United States, as well as the ability of most prospective students to obtain access to these schools, the decision making process must include not just the school itself, but also things like financial assistance, understanding loan interest rates and the consequences for non-payment, scholarship opportunities, rules regarding accreditation and the ability of students to transfer credit and how certain populations in our society are victimized. These are areas where everyone involved could benefit from increased levels of awareness, and it is imperative that those who are considering the idea of an education – no matter what their area of interest might be – have a clear understanding of their role as a consumer and participant in the process, to do their due diligence and conduct thorough research before agreeing to anything. However, all matters that involve a regulatory body, like the US Department of Education, must continue to evolve in how they reach the varying needs of a diverse population. It cannot be assumed because a regulatory body exists that everyone will receive and internalize information in a similar fashion. Socioeconomic differences often determine who receives this information first, leaving those who are not accustomed to making such decisions to fend for themselves. The novel The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down by Annie Fadiman explores communication problems between a county hospital in California and a refugee family from Laos who clash over a Hmong child named Lia, who suffers from severe epilepsy. While both Lia’s parents and her doctors want what’s best for her, because neither side was able to communicate with one another, Lia ended up becoming brain dead by age four after numerous medication changes, misunderstandings and clashes in culture. This is where we are as a society regarding all students (especially women and students of color) whose desire is to obtain an education that offers both quality and affordability. We can provide 5-year objectives that help address the issue, but without being able to match the need with proper communication to a diverse population, this process will only get worse.

Here are a few suggestions that could help:

A. Students should be required to complete an online certification prior to accepting financial aid products. In other words, after a student has applied to FAFSA, they must sit for an online review of their benefits, with complete explanations of their package that is interactive and requires the student answer questions prior to receiving their benefits. A transcript of the workshop, as well as other items on the student’s to-do list, can be accessed in their account or emailed to them directly.

B. The US Department of Education consider recommending to National and Regional accreditation bureaus that foundation courses (English, Math, Sciences, Liberal Arts and certain technical curriculums) be transferable, thereby making it automatic for students to earn credit for general coursework taken at colleges where the accreditation doesn’t always match.

C. Attempts to obtain data from vulnerable communities as to what could be done to increase knowledge of the overall college admissions process. Specifically, this means what methods specific to a given community could agencies like The US Department of Education employ to fill in the missing gaps.

D. Encouraging more Public Private Partnerships (PPP) where the DOE works with groups that engage directly with civic groups, churches, fraternal organizations, and CBOs who promote educational opportunities for students. Not only would this get the message across, it also provides training and credibility among those who live and work within the community itself, thus relieving pressure from a government agency to provide these services.

***

Final Thoughts

Marcus Aurelius once said “To understand the true quality of people, you must look into their minds and examine their pursuits and aversions.” As a nation that prides itself on liberty and the pursuit of happiness, if we fail in the aggregate to understand the unique needs of our citizens and how to streamline our process so education can be affordable to everyone, we may never understand or benefit from the potential that lies within our fellow countrymen and women. Complicity in bankrupting our people before they’ve had the chance to contribute to our society is unacceptable. However, making the effort to do what is right for the least among us makes everything righteous for all of us.

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Books

Annie, F. (2012). The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down: A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors, and the Collision of Two Cultures. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

Websites

Hudson, D. (2014, June 9). Whitehouse.gov. President Obama: "No Hardworking Young Person Should Be Priced Out of a Higher Education". Retrieved December 10, 2014, from https://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2014/06/09/president-obama-student-loan-debt-no-hardworking-young-person-should-be-priced-out-h

Brand, M. (2013, May 1). The Huffington Post. How Student Debt Affects Women, Minorities | U.S. News And World Report. Retrieved December 10, 2016, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/01/student-debt-women-minorities_n_3193661.html

Kerby, S. (2013, May 16). The Center for American Progress. Borrowers of Color Need More Options to Reduce Their Student-Loan Debt. Retrieved December 10, 2016, from https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/race/news/2013/05/16/63533/borrowers-of-color-need-more-options-to-reduce-their-student-loan-debt/

Littlefield, J. (2016, August 26). About Education. National Versus Regional Accreditation. Retrieved December 10, 2016, from http://distancelearn.about.com/od/accreditationinfo/a/bestaccredit.htm

(2015, October 7). Petersen's. Understanding Accreditation of U.S. Colleges and Universities. Retrieved December 10, 2016, from https://www.petersons.com/college-search/us-colleges-universities-accreditation.aspx#/sweeps-modal

De Vise, D. (2012, May 6). The Washington Post. Student loans surpass auto, credit card debt. Retrieved December 10, 2016, from https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/college-inc/post/student-loans-surpass-auto-credit-card-debt/2012/03/06/gIQARFQnuR_blog.html?utm_term=.6fa64b826b81

The Dhamira Curio and Gift Shop and Mystery, Malevolence

An open letter to DJ David Lowe...

Sent to David Lowe - a DJ from the UK who was recently asked to resign because he played a song from the 1930's that contained the N-Word on live radio.

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Mr. Lowe:

Admittedly, I have never heard of you or your show prior to coming across this article about your resignation.  While I understand that you have been in the business for thirty-two years, launching into a tirade about being in an era of political correctness does not make me sympathetic to the fact that you are now unemployed.  

As an African-American man who has been called the N-word throughout his life by people who share the same skin color as you, the sound of that word takes on a totally different meaning for me and serves as a present reminder of society's inglorious past.  The N-word packs a punch that very few words can offer, and since you've never had the misfortune to be on the receiving end of it, I find a portion of your "apology" disingenuous and more about displacing the absence of what was your professional responsibility.  There is a reason for political correctness, kind sir.  The goal of it is to change the landscape of our language and purge the vile and hateful rhetoric that used to permeate everyday conversation.  While it cannot police people's morals, it does hold everyone accountable for their actions.  By your own admission, you've played "The Sun Has Got His Hat On" during your show in the past.  While I've never heard it until today, I could clearly hear the N-word the first time I played it.  Just because you were caught THIS TIME didn't mean playing it before wasn't wrong.  Though it was deemed acceptable at the time, Ambrose singing the N-word in 1932 was also wrong.  What I am saying is that you should have been more careful.  Thirty-two years does not mean you can ignore what is no longer acceptable (and should not have been acceptable in the first place).  In fact, given your stature, you have a greater responsibility to maintain a positive and non-threatening environment for those who listen to you.  The only person that can be blamed for that is you.  

I don't wish you any hard feelings, Mr. Lowe.  In fact, I think you should be back on the radio and doing what you love to do.  The sole purpose for me writing to you is to get you to understand that this is not just about political correctness - it's about our world trying to right some wrongdoings one step at a time.  We all have a responsibility to maintain a certain decor in the public sector.  What we do behind closed doors is our own business.  

Be well,

David Boyd

Brooklyn, NY

"Cold Fear" (Snippet) by David T. Boyd

(From the upcoming collection "Mystery, Malevolence & Murder - Volume Two")

***

Fuchs lay huddled in a corner, his knees tight against his chest trying to keep warm. His skin was turning blue and the colder he became the louder his teeth chattered. He was nearing the point where his body could no longer produce enough heat on its own and he slowly felt himself losing consciousness.

He’d been alone, locked away in the freezer of his father’s butcher shop for almost two hours. His father should’ve been back a while ago, but unbeknownst to Fuchs, Dad had decided to stop at the local watering hole and treat himself to the alluring charms of Tullamore Dew. By now he was half sloshed, probably telling Pat the Bartender about another one of his WWI lies while his twelve-year-old son struggled to stay conscious long enough to be rescued. It was late on a Sunday, almost closing time – the slowest part of the day.

Another ten minutes passed. Fuchs nearly fell over trying to stand. He stamped his feet; toes buzzing as he wiggled them inside his shoes. It hurt like hell, but he knew he had to in order to prevent frostbite. He took short, rapid breaths as he tried yet again to bash his way through the freezer door. The searing pain from his shoulder caused him to scream, but he continued to try.

Fuchs pushed aside a rack of lamb that hung from the ceiling, took a deep breath and rushed toward the door, throwing his body against it with all his might. Upon impact he heard a loud “snap” and screamed as he grabbed his right arm. Fuchs fell to the ground, nearly delirious from the pain, when he saw the image of a light-skinned black man wearing tattered, bloodied clothing standing nearby. A noose hung around his neck. He knelt down over a terrified Fuchs and held a gold-plated horse shoe to his face, the name “Lullabelle” etched around the ring.

The man came closer to Fuchs and whispered into his ear...

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(*The remainder of 'Cold Fear' will be released in the forthcoming Mystery, Malevolence & Murder - Volume Two in 2014)

To my "two dads"...

Life took an ironic twist for me during the 2011 holiday season.

Within a month's time I lost two very prominent men in my life, both of whom held the same title of "Father" but clashed in terms of overall style and execution. The man whom I clearly resemble couldn't be more different than me on the inside. There was no meaningful bond between us for reasons that will always remain a mystery, and though I am not bitter about it, that disconnect will occasionally rear its ugly head as a reminder of what could have been had circumstances been different. I'll never grasp certain truths about that relationship because, to me, fatherhood should always be about preparing a child to be the best THEM they can be rather than a mere "sample" of the original. With the man whom I am bound with biologically, there isn't a single day where I recall him caring for me simply as David because that was not paramount in our life together. Scripture tells us (1 John 4:19) that "we love because God first loved us." In other words, the blueprint of how to become "love" (and thereby build a bond) began with the one who preceded us. But what do we do if we are aware that such a bond should have existed but was never developed? And in my case, what am I to do if I later discovered that the principal builder of this bond, who demanded inordinate amounts of respect and adoration, was actually a deliberate stranger who took carefully orchestrated steps to keep me in the dark? On a day like Father's Day, where children are expected to say 'thank you' and show honor to their dads (living or deceased), how should I remember and honor someone whom I hardly knew or cared for?

The summer of 1988 (when I was 18 years old) was the worst I had ever experienced, the lone redeeming factor being that I had met my second father who became my mentor, spiritual adviser and confidant. He remained a prominent figure in my life for nearly 24 years until his passing shortly before Christmas of 2011. The bond I had missed with my biological father had been firmly established with the surrogate. Besides my husband, "Pops" was undoubtedly the most down-to-earth individual I have ever known. He exuded class and everything he did, from the way he leaned back in his chair during our numerous talks to the way he held his pipe and blew smoke into the air, was with a "Bogart-esque" elegance. Sometimes I catch myself trying to emulate his mannerisms, yet remain a poor substitute by comparison. I took his death very hard, and given the fact that I was on my way to spend the holiday with him when he died, it made his passing all the more difficult. Everything - from how I interact with others to the goals I set for myself - are all as a result of the teachings that came from him. I was headed for a life filled with stress, self-doubt and (perhaps) unfulfilled dreams had Pops not come at the right moment, and today - despite all that happened during the summer of 1988 - I'm grateful for having met him and for all the years that we shared together. The heartache of losing him will never go away, but the knowledge that he is here, inside of me, is all that I could ask for.

Some might say that I'm wrong for publicly expressing my feelings so openly, especially in regards to my biological father, but clearly I disagree. The ability to be honest about who I am is the by-product of my struggle to grow into a strong and capable human being, something that I feel dad would hope for, even if he didn't contribute to it directly. Some might wonder why would I ever consider a white man to be more of a dad to me than the one I am genetically and culturally related to, but I would say that regardless of who it is, the basic tenets of manhood never change. Being in-tune with culture does not guarantee I will eventually become a responsible, law-abiding citizen. It also does not mean I will treat my fellow man with compassion and love. While Pops was never black, he also was never negligent in the responsibility he undertook from the day we met. He never deceived me or made me feel unwanted or unloved. And he never intended me to be an extension of himself, although the desire (to a certain extent) to be a copy-cat is clearly my own doing. I'm grateful to have had someone for so long whose main interest was in helping me get to the next level so I could eventually do for myself.

So whom should I honor on this day? Should it be the man I resemble externally or the one I resemble internally? Well, I'm proud to say that it should be both, for one without the other makes me being who I am today impossible. So here goes...

To T. Lee Boyd, Jr - thank you for giving me life and for sending me to St. Ignatius College Preparatory. My alma mater gave me more than just a high school diploma; it made me aware of the gifts within me and set the stage for positive self-examination that I reap the benefits of as an adult. Had I not gone to that school at your insistence, I would truly have missed so much.

To Reverend Thomas Michael Gannon, SJ - thank you for helping me to 'stay the course', for being an exemplary role model, for taking the risk and investment necessary to help a young man who had lost his way. My heart aches everyday because I cannot tell you face-to-face that I love you, but I manifest that love through everything and everyone I come into contact with. Like you - my attempts are not always successful - but my heart remains firmly in the right place, and I have you to thank for that.

Happy Father's Day to my two dads. I love you both.

David

The Train Has Left the Station

For those who know me (and as I've alluded to in my previous posts), I have undergone some massive changes in my life as of late. Without really getting into what those 'changes' are, let's just say a simple walk up a hill quickly turned into a treacherous mountain climb. At several times during this arduous journey, I wondered whether I was doing the right thing. Something began festering within me, and after Labor Day of 2012 that struggle had finally spilled over. I had decided to execute my plans, knowing full well that some people would be hurt and probably never speak to me again. The last thing I ever want is to hurt anyone, even people who might have wronged me in the past. I also knew that my decision would affect several people's lives permanently -- again, not something that I would ever want to do under any circumstance. If I make a mistake, I would rather it be me that suffers than someone I care for, but due to the nature and depth of change I deemed necessary at this point in my life, there was no way to avoid what lay ahead. I knew several things were in the balance and a slight move in any direction would cause the entire house of cards to tumble. Despite the nagging conundrum, I took a deep breath, prayed and went forward with everything, realizing that I had only two choices: to continue down the road I was going and remain unhappy or take my life into my own hands for the betterment of my future.

Near the end of 2011, there were three significant deaths that not only occurred during the holiday season, but also within roughly four weeks of each other. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas I lost my father, T. Lee Boyd, Jr., my dog "Greta" and my godfather/longtime mentor, Rev. Thomas M. Gannon, SJ. The deaths of these three were significant and made me remember that not only is life precious, but if taken for granted, can be filled with regret and unfulfilled promise. My father's death was significant because losing a parent is a profound moment in any child's life, but in my dad's case (and according to a relative who talked to me about something he said just days before he left this world) he took all that had burdened him for years to his grave. We were estranged from one another for many years, and though I knew I could not remain in his life any longer, you still have love for your parents if you are of good character. Greta was my little girl, my angel, who had two loving daddies, a nice home and was spoiled rotten. She woke us up in the middle of the night because she knew she was about to die and didn't want to do so in front of us. She didn't make it to her destination and collapsed on our bedroom floor, her loving and vivacious spirit leaving us behind. And finally -- Father Tom; a man whom I had known since the age of 18 who literally saved my life. I was a young man who felt misunderstood at home and was exceptionally unsure of himself in every way, but through his steady hand and loving counsel, I was shaped by him into a balanced man who has gone on to do some pretty cool things. Losing him was like being shot in the chest, especially since I was a mere three days away from visiting him at his residence near Detroit. Of the three, Father Tom's death affected me the most and the agony of finding out he was gone was as hard as it gets.



Shortly thereafter, I had received my graduate degree from City College. While taking in the moment, I started to realize the importance of where I was and that I should take a long look at where I'm headed with my life. As I took time and looked deep within myself, I thought of those three individuals who had died. I thought of dad, who took his regrets with him. I thought of Greta, who lived her life with such zest. I thought of Father Tom, who was elegant and sophisticated, yet as down to earth as it came. "Pops" - as I always called him - could draw people toward him like a moth to a flame, and there was no subject where he couldn't hold his own in mixed company. As I held my MFA degree in my hands like a newborn child, I realized that if I want to live a life outside the box, of growth, of purpose and devoid of regret, I had to make some hard choices that would be very unpopular with some. At my worst moment, I actually went to church and tried to pray all of this away, but that was not the answer that God had given me. At the end of the day, I finally accepted that the only constant in life is change, and that if I didn't start the process now, I would live a life of regret and unfulfilled promise that was every bit as taxing on my soul as it was for my father. I made the unpopular choice and began my plans for a different life from the one I had.

Though the months have passed since the start of this renaissance, I still struggle -- not with the decision to move forward, but whether or not I am being good to those affected as well as myself. Treating myself well has always been hard, but I'm working on it. I'm not used to worrying about ME first, and oftentimes I've thrown my needs over for someone else, even when they aren't always kind and actually deserve a harsh word from me. However, I'm reminded of something Pops once said to me shortly before he passed: "Davey, you've been at this station, waiting for the train to arrive for a long time. It's not the fact that you can see a train coming that scares you, but the realization that it might be the one you're waiting for."

He was right. My train had arrived. The doors opened. The conductor called his next station and I had no choice but to get on...

dtb

Regarding Ray Lewis...

I read an article in the Washington Post titled "Ray Lewis will end storied career in Super Bowl 2013, and yet I can’t root for him," written by sports columnist Mike Wise. After reading it, and seeing reactions from people on Facebook, I decided to write the following response to someone who posted this article... "While I'm not a Ravens fan, I'm glad for Ray Lewis and I can't think of a better way to go out, public or not. And regardless if his retirement gave some extra juice to the team, the games still had to be played and won.

What disturbs me about the article is the writer's negligent view of a gifted black athlete who, despite some issues that developed during the course of his soon-to-be hall of fame career, chooses to hold on to very personal feelings about this public figure. Lewis was an athelete, not a saint, and since the tragedy that came to his door years ago (which Lewis faced and handled publicly within the letter of the law) he has gone on to do some very positive things through his foundation, as well as becoming an advocate for people with disabilities in the greater Baltimore area. Why the rancor when this man deserves the respect from his overall body of work? Because he's given extra scruitiny because people feel as if he "owes them" more because he's black. The fact remains that black athletes are under such scrutiny and are made to think that they owe someone for their individual success. While that doesn't always excuse negligent behavior, what it does allude to is that the "system" of slave/owner is quite prevalent in sports, as it has been in our society since Columbus so-called "discovered America," and the black athlete is under an even greater microscope than others of equal or even lesser talent.

That's why I'm happy for Lewis. He played the game he loved, made his money, does his charity work (which very few seem to talk about), and retired as a champion. No one's career in anything is loaded with all high points and no low ones; we all have periods where things don't go well. The most we can hope for is to leave when WE are ready to go. And if it's in front of cameras and adoring fans (as well as the "Haters") then good for us - and GOOD for Ray Lewis."

dtb